Interview with Soul Robertson of

Passionate Parenting.nl

One cannot help but smile at the enthusiasm and passion so evident in the way Soul Robertson talks about her life. A loving wife and full-time mother of three, she is actively engaged in the local community with her own business. While Soul may appear to be another happily settled expat after 6 years of living in The Hague, this wasn’t always the case after experiencing the common ups and downs of moving to a foreign country. She first came here for love, but that isn’t the only reason she has decided to stay and raise her family in the Netherlands.

“We moved from beautiful Cape Town for my husband’s new job. I came here kicking and screaming. I saw Holland as a cold, grey and crowded place. I found the short days depressing and the language barrier and cultural differences came as quite a shock. I was very aware of my loneliness in the first three months. As many people realise, you can either stay miserable or you can choose to do something about it.”

Bearing that in mind, Soul began actively seeking employment with the hopes of making more friends and becoming localized. She joined the South African Women’s Club and a year later, became the president. While it had never occurred to Soul to start her family in any country other than her native South Africa, she found herself pregnant within the first few months of arriving in Holland. Nervous at the prospect of becoming a mother, she immersed herself in parenting books and articles. It was during this time that an idea began to form about how she could help other families.

“There was an internal drive to know more about parenting that arose out of my panic when I realized I was pregnant. I was terrified and felt that I had zero maternal instinct. I began researching this whole new world of mothering and the “science” of bringing up children. Then I wanted to share this valuable new information with other parents who might be feeling the same anxiety as me. I think that sense of insecurity is common to any new parent, but is felt most acutely by expats who might feel they have no support network in a foreign country.”

In late 2005 Soul started her own small business “Passionate Parenting: Education Workshops”. Today there are monthly seminars on everyday and expat life issues relating to raising children. The seminars are in English and presented by different professionals with expertise on varied topics ranging from raising bilingual children, expat kids, developing confidence and even nutritional advice.  The seminars are designed for all parents (Dutch and expat) who are interested in educating themselves to improve their parenting skills. What makes Passionate Parenting unique is that half the profits from these “community service” seminars go to charities in South Africa. Raised in Johannesburg, Soul felt compelled to give something back to the less privileged communities where she grew up. It also holds great sentimental value for her, and makes her feel closer to home while she is living in the Netherlands.

Although there are many challenges to raising children in another country, Soul also says that there are huge benefits to having your family in the Netherlands. While she initially found the landscape too grey and full of concrete, she soon discovered the many green parks and forests where you can take your children. Including the kinderboerderijen (children’s farms) and speeltuinen (play grounds), there are actually a lot of beautiful open spaces within the Hague. Public transport is excellent here, and being able to bike everywhere with your children makes getting around the city very safe, free and easy. Bilingualism is another advantage of living in the Netherlands. Acquiring second languages come easily to young children, and whereas they may have been brought up speaking only one language in their home country, there are lots of opportunities for your children to pick up a second language within the international and Dutch schools. Soul is also very enthusiastic about the parent & children resources in The Hague, all available in English, from paediatricians, to pre-natal classes, babysitters, music lessons, play groups, family magazines and dynamic websites.

Soul readily admits that every parent makes mistakes along their parenting journey and it is always going to be a steep learning curve. However, after her experiences as a mother of three young children and being an expat wife, she has this advice to offer: First: take the initiative to get out, explore, meet new people and you’ll find the support and resources you need within your community, chances are there will be services offered in English. Second: Find a few good babysitters, ideally, in your home language.

Finally, and most importantly, don’t be a “stay-at-home” mum! Be a “full-time” mum who gets out of the house whenever possible. This could be stepping out for a therapeutic cup of coffee (with kids) at a friend’s house, joining a music class for children, or baby massage class, anything where you will meet other mothers who share your experiences of living in a foreign country. It’s good for you, and its great for the kids.

Being a mother is arguably the hardest job in the world, particularly when you don’t have your family living close by. Soul says that her friends have become her (surrogate) family, and she cherishes the support they provide her. It is easy to see why Soul has such a great network of friends; she is not only a role model for other parents but also a woman who has made the best out of moving to the Netherlands.

 Written by Macushla Macgroarty for ACCESS Magazine, September issue 2009